Relationship obsessive-compulsive disorder (ROCD) affects people who experience high levels of distress in their relationships. Their partner or the relationship does not necessarily cause the distress that is experienced by people with ROCD. Instead, the person's thoughts about the relationship and their partner cause distress.
ROCD is related to Obsessive-compulsive disorder – a debilitating mental disease where one's thoughts and urges become obsessive. These thoughts, ideas, and urges are unwelcome and could lead to a person experiencing unwanted emotions like shame, guilt, or fear. Anxiety stems from these unwanted emotions, which lead the person to engage in specific behaviors in order to alleviate these emotions and the anxiety that it brings.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder has a variety of obsessive themes. These themes include contamination fears, fear of harm to self or others, and scrupulosity - which involves religious and moral obsession. Each of these themes usually has a corresponding compulsive action that the person engages in so as to alleviate any anxiety caused by the obsessive thoughts, ideas, or urges.
Recently more and more attention has been given to a "newer" obsessional theme - romantic relationships. Relationship obsessive-compulsive disorder involves obsessive-compulsive symptoms (much like OCD) where the focus is on intimate relationships. ROCD is becoming more and more popular as the topic of discussion as well as scientific research. This subcategory of OCD could create significant distress for a person and their relationship; it could also impair functioning in other areas of the person's life.
Usual worries or concerns will inevitably arise in romantic relationships. Thoughts around whether you and your partner are compatible, whether you have the same values, and envision similar futures are all normal things that couples think about.
While it is conventional and natural for most people to have these kinds of doubts about their partner or their relationship, ROCD involves thoughts and ideas that become obsessive. These thoughts, ideas, and even urges are present regardless of whether there is conflict in the relationship or not. They are also often experienced by people who rationally know that they are happy in their relationship. These obsessions are irrational concerns that creep in and cannot be ignored or appeased.
Along with these obsessive thoughts, the individual will participate in compulsive behavior in order to decrease the anxiety and distress caused by the obsessive thoughts. The experience is almost as if there is something wrong with the relationship, or that the person needs to figure something out before the relationship can progress. The thoughts and obsessions are ceaseless and nag at the person regularly, even if the person knows that they are neither rational nor logical. The obsessive thoughts that people living with ROCD experience lead to them continually questioning the true nature of their relationship.
The obsessions and compulsions inevitably start to take over the individual's life and become the full focus of their attention. In the end, this person struggles to lead a happy and fulfilling life. In the case of ROCD, the person will unlikely experience healthy and fulfilling relationships as they are constantly bombarded with debilitating doubt regarding their choice in partner and relationship.
People experience ROCD differently. Some Feel like they need to break up with their partner, even when they are happy in their relationship. Other individuals might spend months or even years, consistently questioning their relationship and engaging in obsessive thinking.
What is Relationship OCD really
Before we can identify Relationship obsessive-compulsive disorder, we first need to have a grasp on what obsessive-compulsive disorder is. Obsessive-compulsive disorder is often called the 'doubting disease .' People who live with obsessive-compulsive disorder have an intolerance for uncert ainty. Because of this, they will experience obsessive thoughts, ideas, or urges relating to something that they are uncertain about. These obsessions cause a great deal of anxiety and distress. In order to decrease the amount of stress and suffering that the person is experiencing, they engage in compulsive behavior. The compulsions aim at lessening the obsessive thoughts and are conducted so as to gain some kind of control over their lives. ROCD is often presented as one of two types. Relationship-centered or partner-focused obsessive-compulsive symptoms. Individuals who experience relationship-centered obsessions might experience overwhelming doubts and worries that focus on their feelings towards their partner, their partner's feelings towards them, and whether the relationship is right. These individuals obsessively question the validity of the relationship and the emotions involved Even if their thoughts or obsessions contradict their subjective experience of the relationship. The person might be confident that they love their partner, but they keep questioning their feelings. Individuals who experience partner-focused obsessions often focus on their partners' physical features, social qualities, or personality attributes. Relationship-centered and partner-focused ROCD symptoms can occur simultaneously, and they could even bolster each other. For example, obsessions about the perceived flaws of a partner could lead to the individual questioning the relationship and whether they are with the right person. It could also be the other way around where someone questions the relationship and then start to fixate on the flaws of their partner, although this occurs less often. Relationship-centered and partner-focused obsessive-compulsive symptoms are likely to co-occur . More than that, they tend to fuel each other. Partner-focused obsessive-compulsive symptoms could lead to increased relationship-centered symptoms a few months later, and vice versa. ROCD symptoms could also spread to the romantic partner . This could lead the couple into a cycle of experiencing ROCD symptoms if it is not treated. Compulsions are the behaviors or actions that an individual engages in in order to compensate for their obsessions. They usually engage in these activities in order to reduce the panic, anxiety, or guilt that stems from the obsessive thoughts. There is an extreme sense of urgency to address the uncertainty and to decrease the distress that is being experienced. This leads to a repetitive cycle as the compulsive behaviors reinforce the obsessions and dot relating to the relationship.Symptoms of ROCD
ROCD symptoms often appear in early adulthood and could affect most of the individual's romantic relationships. For some people, ROCD symptoms only start when they faced a crucial romantic decision like getting married, moving in together, or having children. ROCD symptoms aren't necessarily only experienced while a person is in a relationship; they could also be experienced based on past relationships or even based on obsessions about future relationships. These obsessive symptoms could manifest as someone engaging in self-reassuring behaviors (like reasons for breaking up), compulsive comparisons (like comparing their ex with a current partner), and compulsive recollection of past experiences (like fights). Alternatively, an individual with ROCD could avoid romantic relationships for fear of hurting the other person – they anticipate this even before entering into a relationship. Having said that, symptoms experienced while in a romantic relationship are more distressing and debilitating . ROCD symptoms are unrelated to the length of a relationship and the gender of the person. Both relationship-centered and partner centered obsessions are associated with compulsive behaviors. These behaviors are conducted in order to reduce anxiety, distress, uncertainty, or the frequency of the obsessive thoughts. Compulsions could include consistent monitoring and questioning their own feelings and thoughts and comparing their relationship to other people's. People with ROCD could compare their relationship to those of their friends and colleagues. This is especially prevalent with increased exposure to social media. Even more than that, they could compare their relationships to those of fictional characters in films and books. To date, there are no diagnostic criteria for Relationship obsessive-compulsive disorder listed in the fifth (and most recent) edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-V). There are a number of common obsessions and compulsions observed in people who experience ROCD.Common obsessions that could be encountered includes:
- Thoughts around whether the individual truly loves their partner.
- Thoughts around whether their partner is good enough for them, or whether they are good enough for their partner.
- Consistent questioning whether they are with the right person, or whether they Are the right person for their partner.
- Thoughts of ex-partners, which triggers a cycle of questioning why these thoughts are present and what this says about the person's current relationship.
- Thoughts based on whether it is normal and natural to be thinking about leaving your partner.
- Thoughts about whether they are having true feelings towards their significant other.
- Consistent thoughts about the attractiveness or physical appearance of their partner.
- Preoccupation with thoughts about their partner's sexual past.
- Thoughts about being attracted to other people.
- Thoughts about having to break up with her partner.
- Thoughts about your partner being a 'bad' person.
Corresponding compulsions could include:
- Obsessive and repetitive questioning.
- Consistently seeking reassurance from your partner, friends, and family.
- Ceaseless researching on what a perfect relationship is supposed to look and be like.
- Comparing your relationship to others, including fictional characters.
- Consistent analysis of the quality of the relationship.
- Comparing the relationship to past relationships.
- Putting off or avoiding saying I love you until certainty is achieved.
- Avoid attending weddings with their significant other or meeting their partner's family.
- Avoiding or delaying cohabitating, getting engaged, getting married come out or otherwise moving forward in the relationship based on the fear of potentially hurting the other person.
- Repeatedly breaking up and then re conciliating with their partner.
- Telling their partner that they do not have feelings for them.
- Confessing their attraction to other people.
- Avoid making eye contact, looking at, or speaking to attractive people.
- Testing 'love feelings' or physical arousal towards their partner.
- Avoiding movies about cheating or loving couples.